Throughout the centuries Jews have used humor to cope with their history of trauma and stress. In fact, they have been sharpening their wits for over two thousand years and have always used jokes and humorous characterizations as teaching aids and as a means to illustrate, enlighten and improve. Have a Good Laugh: Jewish Jokes for the Soul presents a vast array of Jewish jokes that will surely bring a smile to your face and tickle your fancy. If you are a professional or even an amateur speaker, you can use the jokes (which are categorized by topic for easy access) to beguile your audiences at lectures, parties and presentations. And the good news is that there are no crude or offensive jokes in this book. Just good, clean fun. So enjoy this collection of Jewish humor, and hope you do have a good laugh.
The Unexpected Delivery
Moshe, the owner of a small Kosher New York deli, was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. Why don't people leave me alone?' the deli owner said. I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed for Jewish Holidays and Shabbat. And you want to know how I made $80,000?' It's not your income that bothers us,' the agent said. It's these travel deductions. You listed ten trips to Israel for you and your wife.'
Oh, that?' the owner said smiling. Well... We also deliver.'
On the Sixth Day
On the sixth day of creation, God turned to the angel Gabriel saying: "On this day I shall create a magic land. It shall be called Israel and will stand as holy. And its magnificence
will be known all over the world. And I will choose to send to this land special people of goodness, intelligence, and conviction, so the land shall prosper. I shall call these inhabitants Jews." "Pardon me, God," asked Gabriel, "but aren't you being too generous to these Jews?" "Not really. Wait and see the neighbors I'm giving
them."
Oy, Yoy, Yoy
Three bubbes (Jewish grandmothers) sitting on a park
bench. The first one lets out a heartfelt "Oy."
A few minutes later, the second bubbe sighs deeply
and says, "Oy, vey."
A few minutes later, the third lady brushes away a tear
and moans, "Oy, vey iz mir."
To which the first bubbe replies, "I thought we agreed
we weren't going to talk about our children."
Lost and Found Wallet
A poor Jew finds a wallet with seven hundred dollars. At his shul he reads a notice stating that a wealthy Jew has lost his wallet and is offering a fifty dollar reward to anyone who returns it. Quickly he locates the owner giving him the wallet.
The rich man counts the money and says, " I see you have already taken your reward."
The poor man responds, "What are you talking about?"
The wealthy Jew continues, "This wallet had seven hundred and fifty dollars in it when I lost it."
Both men present their case. The poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying, "Rabbi, I trust you believe me."
The rabbi says, "Of course." The rich man smiles, and the poor man is devastated. Then the rabbi takes the wallet out of the wealthy man's hands and gives it to the poor man who found it.
"What are you doing?" the rich man yells angrily.
The rabbi responds, "You are of course an honest man, and if you say that you're missing wallet had seven hundred and fifty dollars in it, I'm sure it did. But if the man who found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn't have returned it al all. Which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that man steps forward, he'll get the money. Otherwise, it stays with the man who found it."
"What about the money?" the rich man asks.
"Well, we'll just have to wait until somebody finds a wallet with seven hundred and fifty dollars in it!"
Post Office
A rabbi arrived in a small town to raise funds for his Yeshiva. He was scheduled to speak on Shabbat at the local synagogue the next day. He needed to mail a letter back home to his Yeshiva with the collections he received to help pay the bills. As he walked down the street he saw several children playing together. They were Jewish so he asked the little boy, "What's your name?"
He responded, "Michael."
Then the Rabbi asked, "Michael, where is the post office?"
Michael said, "Three blocks down on your left side with the huge flagpole in the front."
The Rabbi thought, What a smart child as he thanked him adding "Tomorrow I'll be speaking at the neighborhood shul. My sermon will be about making Gan Eden (Garden of Eden) your home. I hope to see you and your family."
Michael responded, "I don't think so, Rabbi, you don't even know your way to the post office."
The Unexpected Delivery
Moshe, the owner of a small Kosher New York deli, was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. Why don't people leave me alone?' the deli owner said. I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed for Jewish Holidays and Shabbat. And you want to know how I made $80,000?' It's not your income that bothers us,' the agent said. It's these travel deductions. You listed ten trips to Israel for you and your wife.'
Oh, that?' the owner said smiling. Well... We also deliver.'
On the Sixth Day
On the sixth day of creation, God turned to the angel Gabriel saying: "On this day I shall create a magic land. It shall be called Israel and will stand as holy. And its magnificence
will be known all over the world. And I will choose to send to this land special people of goodness, intelligence, and conviction, so the land shall prosper. I shall call these inhabitants Jews." "Pardon me, God," asked Gabriel, "but aren't you being too generous to these Jews?" "Not really. Wait and see the neighbors I'm giving
them."
Oy, Yoy, Yoy
Three bubbes (Jewish grandmothers) sitting on a park
bench. The first one lets out a heartfelt "Oy."
A few minutes later, the second bubbe sighs deeply
and says, "Oy, vey."
A few minutes later, the third lady brushes away a tear
and moans, "Oy, vey iz mir."
To which the first bubbe replies, "I thought we agreed
we weren't going to talk about our children."
Lost and Found Wallet
A poor Jew finds a wallet with seven hundred dollars. At his shul he reads a notice stating that a wealthy Jew has lost his wallet and is offering a fifty dollar reward to anyone who returns it. Quickly he locates the owner giving him the wallet.
The rich man counts the money and says, " I see you have already taken your reward."
The poor man responds, "What are you talking about?"
The wealthy Jew continues, "This wallet had seven hundred and fifty dollars in it when I lost it."
Both men present their case. The poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying, "Rabbi, I trust you believe me."
The rabbi says, "Of course." The rich man smiles, and the poor man is devastated. Then the rabbi takes the wallet out of the wealthy man's hands and gives it to the poor man who found it.
"What are you doing?" the rich man yells angrily.
The rabbi responds, "You are of course an honest man, and if you say that you're missing wallet had seven hundred and fifty dollars in it, I'm sure it did. But if the man who found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn't have returned it al all. Which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that man steps forward, he'll get the money. Otherwise, it stays with the man who found it."
"What about the money?" the rich man asks.
"Well, we'll just have to wait until somebody finds a wallet with seven hundred and fifty dollars in it!"
Post Office
A rabbi arrived in a small town to raise funds for his Yeshiva. He was scheduled to speak on Shabbat at the local synagogue the next day. He needed to mail a letter back home to his Yeshiva with the collections he received to help pay the bills. As he walked down the street he saw several children playing together. They were Jewish so he asked the little boy, "What's your name?"
He responded, "Michael."
Then the Rabbi asked, "Michael, where is the post office?"
Michael said, "Three blocks down on your left side with the huge flagpole in the front."
The Rabbi thought, What a smart child as he thanked him adding "Tomorrow I'll be speaking at the neighborhood shul. My sermon will be about making Gan Eden (Garden of Eden) your home. I hope to see you and your family."
Michael responded, "I don't think so, Rabbi, you don't even know your way to the post office."